I recently made a tongue-in-cheek suggestion that i.e. those who are firmly rooted in their optimism and won’t be dragged down by the dark views of pessimists might consider adopting an i.e. those who are willing to consider positive perspectives to “shine a light into their dark minds.” Matt Kramer took the bait. By sharing his essay How to Be Less Cynical, he’s implicitly agreed to adopt me. What follows are my reflections from reading it as a a pessimist who wishes they weren’t one (For context on my particular brand of “pessimism,” see The Dam first.) I hope my thoughts strengthen his strategies rather than tear them down. Maybe together we can hyperstition realistic optimism.

The difference between nihilism and pessimism

Before I get to my notes on Kramer’s specific points, I want to make a distinction to make sure that we aren’t talking past each other because of terminology. I think that there is a big difference between “Life is shit and pointless and meaningless” and a default mode of “Man life is so hard and there are so many bad things that we have to deal with, but ultimately worthwhile” I am definitely of the latter mind. Matt’s piece seems mostly directed at the former but many of his points apply to both. I will write as it applies to the negative nancies, not the nihilists.

Optimism is a choice

Being less cynical begins with understanding that your worldview is a choice.

So one of Kramer’s main theses is that cynicism vs. optimism is a choice. Both worldviews have evidence, so pick the more open, loving one. I think this is a strong point. There IS plenty of evidence for the good, the true, and the beautiful. However, in my case, when I go into a negativity loop, it is like I am a colorblind person in that I oftentimes simply cannot see the evidence that lends itself to optimism unless an optimist specifically points it out and frames it as such for me. This confounds his later suggestion that “Noticing (joy) and appreciating it will automatically make you less cynical.” My “notice the positive” muscle has atrophied significantly from years of hyperfocusing on risks in order to avoid them. This leads to the next aspect of my experience: even when I can see a positive “reward” is available, I will hyperfocus on all the risks that would prevent me from reaching that positive outcome. I kind of think about it like if Indiana Jones were walking into the Temple of Doom. Pessimist Indy would think “I want to get the treasure so I need to watch out for traps.” Meanwhile the lucky optimist Indy would be so focused on the treasure he would just casually miss all the traps without noticing that they were there. He strolls through swinging blades and past the floor-triggered blow darts without a second thought and gets the treasure. I am envious of those people but I simply don’t know how to turn down my awareness of the traps.

The other day I was at a party and got to see this play out in real life. A bottle fell on the floor and scattered tiny shards of glass everywhere. The host is a beautiful, well-off woman who floats through life. I watch in horror as she walks barefoot throught the room, never looking at the floor, multiple times coming within inches of stepping on a shard that would send her to the hospital. When I beg her to be more careful, everyone else laughs and says “That’s [host’s name] for you. She’s lucky.” Cue my existential crisis at why my life and hers are so different.

So what is to be done about this? I think the first point is an easier solve than the second one. My hypothesis is that, if the muscle is atrophied you need to work it out, and if it has atrophied too much you probably need a spotter. That was kind of my point in my original essay, that an optimist can spot the positive and point it out to the pessimist, then the pessimist’s job is to try to conform their way of thinking to the optimist’s. I think with enough reps this will work itself out.

The problem of hyperfocusing on risks is a bit more intractable. Not all of the optimist Indys make it to the treasure, some of them get their heads chopped off because they didn’t try to avoid the swinging blades. Sometimes the dam breaks. To a pessimist this is like crack. Being an astute pessimist is almost like having exclusively negative prescience. You see risks others don’t, you see them fall victim to those risks, this justifies you hyperfocusing on everything that could go wrong. Over the years scales form over your eyes and all you see are risks everywhere. I think that breaking out of this depends on the initial solution, have a partner who can point out the positive and then focus on that. Every time your mind drifts to the risks or negative outcomes, let it go and bring your attention back to the positive possibilities.

Joy

At the Subway on my campus, there’s a guy with this awesome, purely joyful energy. When you get up to order he goes “WHOO WHOO!!!” like a train whistle.

“And all the pessimists collectively gagged.” This one is on us. If we can’t get past our own aversion to being perceived as or whatever our hangup is with blatant positivity then I am very skeptical that we can be saved. This is one that I have had to just brute force get over myself by looking at the outcomes of people who were willing to risk being perceived as cringe vs. those who stay in their shell of negativity. The results are conclusive, the people who risk it get the biscuit. If you want good things in your life you simply have to orient around joy, damn the haters.

View on X

Gratitude

I guarantee you there are things in your life you are taking for granted right now. RIGHT NOW.

This is one that I don’t personally struggle with the activation energy with. If I try to think of things I could be grateful for, many things arise. I don’t think this will be the case for all pessimists though. For some their gratitude muscle could have atrophied to the point of not being able to call to mind anything to be grateful for. Again, I say a spotter could be helpful.

Gratitude is also the difference in mindset between “I get to do this thing” versus “I have to do this thing.”

Now this suggestion is meaty. It is a mantra and I like those because it doesn’t require me to do anything except to repeat it to myself. If I do it enough, I have found that the mind starts to justify it on its own. 10/10 piece of advice. No notes.

Awe

Beautiful things inspire awe. I experience this all the time

Unfortunately many pessimists rarely experience awe. Personally it takes a pretty psychedelics, sleep deprivation, death, birth, a really good sleep experience to trigger my sense of awe. Whenever it happens I try to sink into it, to wring it of all the juice, but that doesn’t seem to lead to more frequent experiences of awe. I really don’t know what to do about this one. Someone pointing out things I could be in awe of doesn’t bring about awe so the spotter solution won’t work. But when I do experience it it is quite deep and profound and definitely overrides the pessimism.

Wrapping up

I think the rest of Kramer’s post is very valuable, and maybe by just focusing on those things that I don’t struggle with would help work out the things that I do. Won’t know unless I try. I would love to hear any reframes or suggestions on the sticking points I mentioned above.